From dysfunctional family dynamics to a total transformation for Tom

Tom with his young family.

Tom was on a family holiday when he realised he had to break free from familiar family patterns.

Surrounded by decades of alcoholism and anger issues, Tom made the brave decision to focus on himself – but knew he’d need support.

“That holiday was a wakeup call,” said Tom. “Old issues were repeating themselves in my wider family, and I didn’t want to keep reacting in negative ways. I couldn’t change other people, but hoped I could change myself.”

Tom reached out to see if I could help him, not so much with exercise and nutrition support, but with the deep mindset work he needed.

Compassionate coaching where you set the pace

Tom’s had a difficult upbringing, with an alcoholic mother and family trauma.

He really needed a coach who would help him unravel his beliefs, self-talk, and ingrained behaviours.

He did want to lose weight, but that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Tom knew that if he tackled his habits (and the issues that trigger them), the physical stuff would fall into place.

“I knew Joe would be the right coach,” he explained. “He’s open about his own difficult childhood and teenage years. I needed a coach who wouldn’t just tell me what to do. This needed to be a collaborative effort to help me get to the bottom of things so I could rebuild.”

Digging deeper than diet and training

Tom is a great guy with a great life – a successful job, loving long-term relationship, and a young daughter.

He goes to the gym regularly. He didn’t need me to write him a training programme, give him 1-to-1 PT, or teach him about healthy nutrition.

What he needed was support and a sounding board outside his immediate circle.

“I had fallen into a cycle of performing my various roles in life because I thought I had to be strong,” Tom said. “I thought I was OK because I wasn’t turning to drink or drugs. But I wasn’t enjoying life, I was just going through the motions. My family deserved more – and so did I.”

The thought of losing weight and getting in shape made Tom feel better about himself, and initially he thought that should be the focus of our work together.

But as I coached him through his wheel of life, core values, limiting beliefs and negative habits, his goals changed.

The importance of core values and ingrained self-beliefs

Tom With his Fiance Harriet.

“I thought I just wanted Joe to hold me accountable to my gym workouts and get me back on track that way,” Tom said. “When we started working on the mindset stuff, it was like a Mr Miyagi moment. I realised how powerful all that mindset work is when you take time to dig deep”

Together we uncovered the real reasons that were blocking Tom from staying consistent with health and fitness habits, and slowly removed the blocks so he could find his own way forward.

“Joe explained that a belief is ‘something you believe to be 100% true’, and I realised there was absolutely no evidence for all the things I thought about myself,” Tom said. “We were finally untangling all the threads of my life that had been caught up for decades.”

Throughout our time together, I supported Tom with his nutrition and gym training – often sending him a message or voice note when I knew we were both working out at the same time in different gyms.

By creating a neutral safe space for deep discussions, and giving unwavering support for Tom’s healthy goals, we worked from the inside out and the outside in.

2 stone weight loss by working on mindset

The results were incredible. Tom surpassed his weight loss goal of 2 stone, and embedded nutrition and training habits that he knows he can stick with. But the real transformation was with Tom’s inner world.

“After work one Friday, we took my daughter’s stabilisers off,” he said. “As I stood there with my partner, watching my daughter ride her little bike, I felt an influx of emotions that I’ve never felt before. I was able to take the moment in. Small as it might sound, that was a breakthrough moment for me.”

24/7 space to offload negative thoughts and worries

“Joe always brought it back to those core values and beliefs,” said Tom. “He was so responsive, I felt he was there by my side. He gave me the tools to lose weight, but was unpicking my mind every step of the way. So I got what I initially wanted, but in the background I was getting an epiphany that changed my life.”

Tom has not just lost over 2 stone in weight. He has new habits and an entire education of coping skills to use when he’s feeling stressed, or getting drawn back into old family drama.

“I’ve spent time with my family since working with Joe and the tools work,” said Tom.

“You can’t change other people, so the emphasis is on looking after yourself. There have been times when I’ve been able to use my new skills to diffuse situations with 23 family members present. This is powerful stuff.”

Tom’s transformation has impacted his home life, friendships, and even his career – he is managing his team with more clarity, and his MD has noticed the change.

Gaining steady mental health and happiness for life

“Joe has given me the ability to lose weight and gain muscle whenever I want,” said Tom, “but the most important thing he’s given me is the ability to keep my mental health steady. I know I won’t ‘lose’ the progress I’ve made. I think of Joe as a mentor, saviour, and gym training partner. I can’t thank him enough.”

If you would like some help getting yourself in your best shape ever both mentally and physically, please get in touch today.

Coach Joseph Webb.

‘The number one rated Personal Trainer In Henley and Oxfordshire’

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